On Living in Montana

Here is my list of oddities I noticed about living in Montana. (or Small Town USA)

A friend was listening to the police scanner one night and heard an officer call in and say he needed assistance at the intersection of 3rd Ave NW and 2nd Street. The dispatcher radioed back, “Where’s that?” and the officer had to give the nickname of the place: Moccasin Flat.

Montana has suicidal ground squirrels who wait for and then sprint under your car on the highway. I swear they high-five their buddies if they make it.

There are always more bullet holes in the “watch for deer” sign versus the “curves ahead” sign on any stretch of Montana road.

I’ve seen stores with names like: “Frontier Guns and Ammo.”

A woman beat off a grizzly bear with a zucchini in Montana this spring. Aha! Another use for those overgrown vegetables.

A couple from Libby, Montana had their parked car destroyed by a cougar overnight. How do you explain that one to the insurance company? They think the family cat might have been hiding up in the engine compartment.

Roadside weather stations can’t measure wind over 99 mph and there are a lot of times wind can’t be measured.

My Christmas shopping delivery last year was delayed due to a “train derailment.”

A loaded semi truck got blown off the highway about 12 miles from where we live. (Picked the cab right up into the air before tipping it over sideways.)

I learned to never camp in the (western) first row of teepees, blocking the wind for everyone else, even in high summer.

Single lane roads with no shoulder are called “highways” with speed limits of 70 mph (110 km/h) in Montana. That is so wrong, especially when out for a walk.

Speed limits in Montana only came into effect in the late 90s. It only became illegal in 2006 to drink while driving your car, as long as you weren’t drunk. Speed limits and drunk driving rules came not because Montana wanted them but because the federal government withheld highway improvement money to force the issues.

A man running for sheriff in a local Montana election couldn’t legally carry a gun because of his criminal record.

While we were shopping for a new refrigerator, a total stranger, who works at an appliance store in a neighboring town says, “Oh, yeah, I know what your kitchen looks like,” and that didn’t seem odd to me until Joe pointed it out later.

A big multiplex theater had to close down for a few weeks to deal with a “bat problem.” Talk about special effects!

▲The boys skinny dip and eat yellow snow (leftover from Barney) after hunting for Easter eggs in their snow suits that morning